nightpost
the constant fear you put into my life. the constant stressor of if today is the day. you have made one of the biggest impacts on my life. because of you, my guard is constantly up. i find it hard to trust, hard to love, and how to be happy. lately, the only person to be able to get past that, is christian. and he is one of the sweetest boys i’ll ever know. he is a true jem. sort of, my diamond in the rough. thank you for that, sweetie.
lately, all i can think about is the future. it scares me, yet excites me. i cannot wait to be out on my own, and not have to live for anyone else’s rules but my own. i can’t even explain how excited i am to get the hell out of school. but then i think to myself. i’m going to have to pay for everything myself, i’m going to have to drive everywhere myself, i’m not going to have my mommy and daddy there to hold my hand through that shit. not to mention, if i ever lost kelsey, i don’t know where i would be or what i would do. it honestly scares me to death, thinking about having to go on with my life and live on my own, without you. you have been my best friend for five years, and i’m sure will be for another five to come, and more. but, i just hope things don’t change. and we can still follow through with our plans as we said.
what will i become? who will i be three years from now? what will i be doing? will i be happy? will i be in love? will i be in college? what will happen? will something change my life? if you think you know. you should tell me. because i’m beginning to wonder myself.
